A long time coming

I know I haven't written anything in a long time, I just haven't really had any time.
The kids are doing great - they're getting bigger, the doctor is really happy with their sizes.
This week, they finally started sleeping through most of the night - from midnight until around 6 or 7 in the morning. We can finally get some sleep now!

Bris

We made the bris this morning for our son. In my speech, I spoke about Bonei Olam and how much they helped us, and encouraged people to support them.
Afterward, a friend came over to me. This friend is also going through fertility issues - except there isn't much hope in their case. They really don't have much chance of having their own biological children. Anyway, he said to me, "You know, most people wouldn't say such things in their speech. They'd be too ashamed of it. But you came out and said what many others wouldn't, and you spoke for many others when you did. I was really impressed."
It felt good to hear that. I really wasn't sure about saying it during the speech. I'm sure family and friends suspected about us going through fertility treatments, but now we confirmed it. I figured that if it gets the message across, and helps people support organizations like Bonei Olam, it's worth it.

Hectic days...

Ok, so our daughter came home last Monday, and our son came home on Thursday. The doctor also gave clearance for his bris, so it will be on Thursday morning. We're trying to get things set up for it. Unfortunately, all the treatments affected our finances, so we;re not doing anything too fancy. I'd always wanted to do a fancy bris, since we went through hell to get to it, but we won't be able to. Luckiloy for us, there's a gemach which helps with the bris - they give you free food. We just have to pay for the place to do it, and probably pay for a waiter.
We're also not sure when we're making a kiddush for our daughter. We were thinking this coming Shabbos, but 3 days after the bris probably won't be a good idea.

Hi again!

Sorry I haven't written in a long time, I've just been pretty busy.

The kids are doing great - our daughter will probably be coming home this week! We don't have a time line for our son yet, but he's also doing really well.
Someone commented that the name of my blog isn't appropriate anymore. Well, the thing is that people read my blog and know the name as it is, so I can't really change it, can I? Also, these kids are the result of fertility treatments, so I think I'll leave it as is.

Shalom Zachor

I'm staying home for Shabbos, as I have to make a Shalom Zachor for our son (it feels so weird to say that!!!) My wife is staying in the hospital over Shabbos, her sister is staying with her.
A neighbor said she'd come and help me set stuff up for it in half an hour. That was over an hour ago. Oh well. Most of it is set up, just the chips and stuff like that aren't. And of course the drinks aren't on the table, they're in the fridge.

MAZAL TOV!!!

At 10:35 tonight. our son was delivered, weighing in at 3 lbs, 10 oz.
2 minutes later, his sister followed, weighing 4 lbs, 4 oz.
They're in the NICU for now, and likely will be there for a few weeks. My wife is doing ok.
I need to get some sleep.

Staying up

Well, it looks like I spoke too soon. Last night, my wife didn't have to go downstairs to labor & delivery. We were both so happy for that!

Every night

So, after Thursdays events, we figured things were ok for a bit. Nope. Friday night, the contractions started again. Back down to labor and delivery. Monitor for a few hours, then back upstairs. Shabbos morning, her doctor came in, and said he wasn't surprised it happened, and that he wouldn't be surprised if it happened every night until she gets delivered. Sure enough, last night, again, she was sent downstairs. A few hours later, she was sent back upstairs.
This is going to be really nerve-racking for a while.

Getting close

Yesterday, my wife started having some contractions. They faded after a bit, and the doctor wasn't worried. Today, they came again, and lasted longer. They moved her to labor and delivery to keep a closer watch on her. They didn't go into the full labor contractions, but they didn't ease. Eventually, they gave her some medication to stop the contractions, which worked. They sent her back to her room upstairs, but are keeping a much closer watch on her now. The doctor said it probably won't be too much longer.

Another week...

Well, this Shabbos I was more prepared. I brought a thermos of hot soup, and it stayed steaming hot for our meal. My mother visited during the week, and she made chicken for us for Shabbos, and some kugel.
Overall, it wasn't a bad Shabbos. We had food, I slept ok, everything was fine.
During the week, they switched my wife's room. She had been on the labor/delivery floor, and they switched her to the regular post-partum floor. Her room is more comfortable, she gets a normal bed, and some closets now. She's pretty happy about the change.

Shabbos in the hospital

Shabbos wasn't that bad. Easier than I thought it would be.
The only real issue I had was food. The bed I had in my wife's room (a chair that unfolds to a small bed) wasn't too bad, and davening was right down the block. The food, though, was a problem. The hospital gives food only for my wife, and she said it was pretty gross. The bikur cholim gave her food for shabbos - challah, fish, soup (in a thermos), some chicken, and some meat loaf. I also brought some chicken cutlets from home. I'm a picky eater, and don't like chicken on the bone - only cutlets.
Anyway, so Friday night, we have the fish, and then I pour the soup. It wasn't hot anymore, even with the thermos, and it didn't taste too great. I had 2 spoonfuls, and that was it for me. Then, I tried some of the potato kugel they gave (forgot to mention that before!) and it tasted pretty good. That is, until the aftertaste hit me. Yuck! Plus, it was cold, like everything else was.
I think next week, I'm going to get my own thermos or two, and bring my own soup, and maybe a thermos full of cholent. I'll buy a potato kugel that I know I like, and some side dishes. That way, I won't go hungry.

In the hospital

Well, we're in the hospital. For a while. The doctor says he's not letting her go past 35 weeks, so we have a maximum of 7 weeks to go.
My wife's cough is still pretty bad. The doctor from the practice who's on call now asked her if she took codeine. We told him nobody told us to take it, and his partner (our main doctor) told us to take Robitussin DM. He said, " Well, when he has a cough, he can take the Robitussin. It's worthless. When I have a cough, I'll take codeine."
He said he's going to order it now, because he doesn't like the sound of the cough.

Shavuos

Yom Tov can be hard sometimes. Especially dealing with my family. I don't recall if I've written it before, my family is Ultra-Orthodox. My wife and I consider ourselves Modern Orthodox, and aren't as stringent as my family is on a lot of things.
Anyway, over Yom Tov, my wife had on a dress with short sleeves. Not sleeveless, they ended just above her elbows. Anyway, we're sitting at the table, waiting for the meal to start. when my mom asks me to come outside for a minute. Basically, my father wasn't comfortable with my wife's short sleeves, and wouldn't come to the table if she was dressed like that. He wanted her to go change her outfit. He didn't care that she'd be very embarrassed by it, he just wanted her to change. We ended up skipping the meal, and eating on our own later that afternoon. My parents just don't understand that we don't live our lives the same way they do, and we see things very differently. My father is the definition of a chossid shoteh - the man who, if he saw a woman drowning, wouldn't save her, because he's not allowed to touch a woman. He doesn't care about embarrassing someone, he just knows that in his mind, elbows have to be covered.
Later on, he apologized for embarrassing her, but only after I pointed out to him how bad it was. He just didn't see it on his own. I'm not surprised.

Anyway, last night, when we got home, we had no electricity, which meant no air conditioning. It was 87 degrees in our apartment. We both got no sleep last night. The power came back on at 5:30 this morning, so my wife got some sleep, but I had to get ready for work. Hopefully, I'll get to sleep early tonight.
Wife has a doctor's appointment today. We're going to find out if she's going to the hospital tomorrow, or on Sunday. Should be fun either way.

Cold

My wife got a pretty nasty cold. The doctor gave her some antibiotics yesterday, so hopefully it will clear up soon.
It looks like she's going to have to go into the hospital at 28 weeks in the end, which is the end of next week. I'm not looking forward to that.

Nephew

Remember I said both of my brothers' wives were expecting? My older brother's wife had a baby boy the other day!

Stay in bed!

My wife had some bad stomach pains last night, and we called the doctor at about 2 am or so. Of course, after I spoke to the service, the pain mostly subsided.
She had an appointment today anyway, so he told her to wait until she came in, unless it got really bad again, which it didn't. Anyway, the doctor said it happens sometimes after a cerclage, and it's just the uterus adjusting to it.
He also put her on total bed rest now - no walking around at all. Stay in bed, get up to use the bathroom, then back to bed.
He also ordered her a home monitor, to check for contractions. Someone is supposed to come and show her how to use it.

No steroids yet

One thing I forgot to mention the other day: they did an FFN test (fetal fibronectin), which basically can pretty much rule out the chance of going into labor over the following 2 weeks. It came back negative. based on that, they're pushing off the steroids, so my wife didn't start taking them yet.

A stitch in time saves... two

My wife was feeling a bit nervous yesterday. She hadn't felt any movement from the babies at all for a few days. So, off to the doctor she went. Both babies were fine, but her cervical length wasn't.
They put in a curclage last night, a stitch in each side. Now she's on full bed rest, no more modified.

My wife, the baseball player

Apparently, my wife will have what it takes to play professional baseball - she's going to be taking steroids starting this week. It helps the lungs of the babies develop faster, in case of a premature birth.

Does this ever end?

So, my wife had an appointment today. I was supposed to meet her at the appointment, and we were going to a friend's birthday party afterwards. Anyway, I'm on my way from the office to get her, and she calls. The doctor saw her cervix moving a bit on its own, and thought she might be having contractions. Hospital time!
In the end, they hooked her up to a monitor, and watched her for 2 hours. I got there after a long time, due to crazy traffic. Nothing was going on, no contractions. She's fine. We missed the birthday party, which I was pretty upset about. Remember my early post about good friends? It was one of them, and I really wanted to go out and celebrate with them. Oh well. They're good friends, and they understand.

Hospital?

Yesterday's ultrasound showed that the vessel stayed where it was. The doctor said my wife would probably need to be checked into the hospital at about 28 weeks, and stay there until the babies are born. Not gonna be fun...

Over Pesach

Yom Tov was pretty nice, overall. We had to go to my parents for the entire thing, because of the bed rest issue. We'd planned on going home for Chol Hamoed, until the doctor said no more cleaning.
All my siblings were there for the second days of Pesach. Now, as I've written before, both of my sisters-in-law are pregnant. One is due in about 2-3 weeks, the other in 5 weeks. The younger one, due in 5 weeks, told my wife that she'd been having some stomach pains, and was scared she'd go into premature labor. Excuse me? You're already at 35 weeks, and you're worried? What happens if you deliver tomorrow, do you know? Chances are, at 35 weeks, your baby wouldn't even have to go into a NICU at all! There's a 95% chance the baby wouldn't have any issues due to the "early" birth.
Here we are, at 21 weeks, with the doctor explaining to us the statistics about babies born at less than 29-30 weeks, because it's a real chance with us. We went on a tour of the NICU last Wednesday after our doctor visit, and let me tell you, it's scary. Seeing all those tiny babies is pretty scary, knowing your kids have a good chance of ending up there. So to hear my SIL complaining was a bit annoying. They really have no clue how lucky they are.
As for the older SIL (who is still younger than me), she already has 2 kids, this is their 3rd on the way. I don't see them in their house, but at my parents, they are pretty hands off. They dump everything relating to their kids onto other people if they can. For example, their kids made a huge mess on the living room floor. Lego pieces everywhere, and they just left it there. My mother walked into the room, and said she's embarrassed because she was expecting some guests, and they'd see her floor like that. My SIL just sat there, and didn't say a word. My younger sisters just sat there, and one of them said, "Well, I don't want to clean it up, they're just going to make a mess again tomorrow." I actually understand her, and it's not her kids, so why should she do it? Anyway, my wife, who's supposed to be on bed rest, was sitting on the couch. She can't stand seeing a mess, it just drives her crazy. So, she got up, and started gathering up the lego pieces. After a minute, she said, "You know, I'm supposed to be resting, all this bending isn't too good for me." So what does my SIL, the kids' mother, say? "Well, why don't you sit on the floor while you gather them up?" I wasn't there at the time, but if I was, I would have screamed at her. What kind of idiot is she? She takes no responsibility whatsoever for her children, and even has the nerve to tell my wife, who's supposed to be resting, how to clean up after the mess her kids made? That's just typical of my brother and his wife.

No stitch yet, but it's always something

We went to the doctor yesterday, and had an anatomy scan done. We even got a 3D ultrasound of one of the baby's faces! It's pretty cool.
Anyway, her cervical length yesterday was better, but they saw something else. It seems a blood vessel is at the bottom of her left uterus, between the baby and the cervix. This can be a big problem - the vessel can rupture if the baby tries to come out, and can be very harmful to the baby. There's a chance she'll have to be in the hospital for the last month or two of the pregnancy.

Today's doctor visit

My wife has been feeling mostly better the past week, but she still has a cough and some chest pain. The doctor today said it could be a post-nasal drip, and some Benadryl should clear it up. Why couldn't they tell us that last week? Anyway, she's still waiting for the ultrasound, but I guess it's good news so far.

A stitch?

My wife went in to the doctor today again. Both her cervixes are at 3 cm, and one is funneling. The doctor said he might want to put in a stitch next week as a preventative measure. He has to discuss it with his partners, and they'll let us know what the decision is. For now, it's bed rest for her.

Another bump in the road

My wife went in for her appointment today. The doctor said it could be exhaustion that caused Friday's fun time. he also said that one of her cervix's is shortening, and he doesn't like that. he gave her some antibiotics for the cold she has, and is putting her on modified bed rest. She needs to go for a follow up on Friday.

It never ends...

On Friday, I'm sitting at my desk, working, when my wife calls me, crying. She hadn't been feeling great all day, and when she was leaving work, she pretty much collapsed in the street. She had to go to the hospital. I left work immediately, went home, grabbed some Shabbos clothes, and met her at the hospital. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her, and eventually sent us home. We went to my parents for the weekend, as my wife wasn't up to doing anything on her own.
It's slowly getting better, but when I say slowly, I mean that. She still has times when she can barely walk.
Of course, on Shabbos, I had issues. I grabbed my suit and a shirt in the cleaners bag still. When I got to my parents, I discovered that the cleaners didn't get the stain out of my shirt, so the only shirt I had was with a huge stain right in front. I'd forgotten a tie, and my cuff links, so I had to borrow from my father.

Hi again

Sorry, I've been busy, and wasn't able to post.
Everything was fine last time.
last Monday, the doctor saw something on the scan that is sometimes indicative of a chromosomal abnormality. Today, my wife went for genetic counseling, and they said the chance of it being a problem was really slim, so it looks like everything is ok there.
Thanks to all who posted that they're still reading! Post more so I know you're still there :)

Hello... is there anybody out there?

Yes, the line is from one of my favorite songs: Comfortably Numb, by Pink Floyd.
lately, i haven't been getting too many comments. In fact, I've been getting almost none. Sometimes I wonder if people just stopped reading my blog.

Purim

Purim was nice. We went to my brother-in-law for the seudah and the weekend. Their entire family was there (his in-laws, aunt & uncle, other sister-in-law) and they all oohed and aahed over my wife's pregnancy (she's clearly showing now.)
On Friday night, my wife started having some sharp pain in her lower back, and it spread to different areas. it eased a bit, and we assumed it was nothing. On Shabbos morning, the pain came back, and she had some brownish discharge during the Shabbos meal. I went and called her doctor (yes, on Shabbos) and he said it doesn't sound like a miscarriage. Since she has an appointment for Monday anyway, he said don't bother coming in before then unless the pain or discharge get worse. They didn't (the discharge disappeared after the one time), so we finished Shabbos, and my wife is taking it easy now until her appointment. Hopefully everything is fine!
Just on a side note, we'd already picked out one boy's name and one girl's name. We also have a probable second boy's name in case we have 2 boys. The thing we didn't have was a second girl's name. Over the weekend, I was looking through a book of names that my brother in law has, and I found a second girl's name. My wife likes it also, so we'll probably use it if we have 2 girls.

Doctor visit/Ultrasound... and some suspense!

On Monday, my wife went to the doctor for her checkup, and everything looked great. Yesterday, she was having some stomach pains again, so instead of me going shopping for stuff for Shabbos, we went to the doctor again.
Everything was fine, and he said the pain could be from one of a few things. I finally got to see an ultrasound again! It's been a long time since I saw it. It was so cool! The baby has limbs, and was moving around, and you could see it all! We asked if he could tell the gender yet, and he said the babies weren't cooperating with their positioning. He did say, however, that he could take a guess based on what he did see if he had to, but really wasn't sure. I'm not going to write what he said until we know for sure, so enjoy the suspense!

Forgetting

There's a couple we used to be friends with (we had a HUGE fight recently over that whole A TIME issue, and aren't really speaking now). They also went through fertility treatments, and were successful.
I think that having succeeded, they forgot what it was like to be going through treatments, and to be so nervous and wondering what the next day will bring. They aren't too sensitive to people going through it anymore.
I hope that doesn't happen to me. Even with our pregnancy, we're nervous, due to the uterine issues we're dealing with. Our pregnancy can end at any time. I just hope that when, hopefully, our babies are in our arms, we'll remember what it's like, and treat people with the sensitivity and respect they so desperately want. If I start acting like an ass, I hope someone slaps me up a bit.

No more Lovenox!

The doctors were in agreement: no more Lovenox! That means my wife doesn't have to give herself any more injections. Only pills now!

Yet another doctor to see

A few days ago my wife went to the OB again. He said her last blood test showed a few things. One, her PSH (I think) levels are high. That's some thyroid thing, so she needs to see an endocrinologist. Second, he doesn't think she should be taking Lovenox anymore. Apparently, on the ultrasound they saw what they called a "bleeder" in her uterus. It's not a problem, but he doesn't like it, and he thinks the Lovenox is causing it.
So, I called the doctor who prescribed the Lovenox, and his secretary tells me he needs to discuss it with the OB. I call the OB's office, and leave a message with the doctor's name and number. Of course, a few days later, they haven't spoken.
My wife is still taking the Lovenox, and we're waiting for the results of the yet to happen conversation.

Shopping

Today my wife went shopping for maternity clothes with a friend (who will be reading this at some point... hi!). I got lucky with this - I hate going clothing shopping with my wife. I'm sure every guy can relate: "Does this make me look fat?" Yes, it's maternity for God's sake! You're supposed to be big!
Anyway, she's kinda freaked out. She's still terrified she's going to miscarry, and buying the clothes was a waste of time. I think it's normal for her to be worried given our history.

Big milestone

We officially finished the first trimester!

A few updates

It's been a little while, sorry, I've been busy.
A few updates:
1. The doctor said he's not going to reduce, so we (hopefully) get both babies!
2. We told our siblings about the pregnancy this week.
That's pretty much it, and it's only a few minutes to Shabbos, so I've got to run!

A really big scare ***UPDATED***

My wife woke up at about 5:30 this morning, and had some bleeding. She has to go to the doctor for an ultrasound later on. We're both nervous wrecks.

UPDATE

The doctor said everything is fine!

A TIME Shabbaton Update

After my last post about A TIME, I got some negative feedback, both here as comments, and through other channels. I took off my comment regarding the organization, because, as one person pointed out to me, posters on their forum don't represent the organization. This morning I found out that due to the argument that occurred, A TIME got rid of all mixed seating at the Shabbaton. I know of 3 couples who immediately canceled their reservations. I guess the posters do represent the organization, as they all seem to have no respect for people who live a different lifestyle from them.

Limbs

We were at the OB last night, and on the ultrasound, she showed us the beginnings of an arm and a leg. So cool!

It keeps getting better...

I forgot to mention in my other post that my wife had a bit of a cough last week. Over the weekend, it kept getting worse. Now, after stomach surgery, coughing can hurt. A lot.
So, I took her to her regular doctor today to check on her cough, and it seems she has bronchitis also.
Then, when we get home, she needs to take a bath. So I prepare the water for her, she gets in, and we see blood coming out from one of the bandages. I immediately called the doctor, who said if it's only a small amount of blood, it's not a big deal - just put some pressure, and watch to make sure it doesn't get worse.
I'm going completely crazy with this!
By the way, tomorrow is our first visit to the high-risk OB.

A Big Scare

On Friday, my wife had some stomach pains. She called her OB, who told her if she likes, she could come in for an exam. Well, being 2 hours before Shabbos, that wasn't going to happen. The doctor told her it was probably normal pain, from the uterus expanding or something like that.
Anyway, Friday night, a little after midnight, my wife wakes up in pain. Not just a little pain. Completely doubled over, crying pain. I immediately called the doctor, who said that it might be a stomach issue, because the pain was above her belly button. She said to take some Tums and if it wasn't better in an hour, go to the hospital. Well, it didn't get better. I wasn't sure about going to the hospital on Shabbos, and we delayed a bit. Finally, seeing that it was getting worse, I called 911, and an ambulance came to take us to the hospital.
To make a long story short, my wife had her appendix taken out. Both babies are doing fine. My wife is laid up in bed now, and will be for a few days. Thank God it was just an appendix! Not that it's nothing, but it wasn't a miscarriage. We were so sure something went wrong with the pregnancy!

Doctor Visit

Ok, enough politics for now.
We went to my wife's regular OB tonight. We were supposed to see a high risk OB, but we could only get an appointment for next week. We were nervous not seeing anyone until then, so we got in to see her regular OB. Her Ob also deals with high-risk cases, but supposedly isn't nearly as good as the specialist we're supposed to see.
Anyway, she did an ultrasound, and everything looked great! She told my wife she could give her something for all the nausea, but only as a last resort. It's better not to take anything during a pregnancy.

Infertility Group

A friend of mine asked me to post that she started a Google Group for people going through infertility. She also had issues with A TIME, and wanted to start something for everyone, where all types are welcome. If you want to join, e-mail modernorthodoxIF@gmail.com to join.

A T.I.M.E.

A TIME's annual Shabbaton is coming up. It is an event they hold for people who are going through primary infertility. As I've written before, A TIME is a bit too chassidic for my taste. I sometimes check out their forums, but not too often. Anyway, a friend of mine called me the other day and told me I had to check out a thread about the upcoming weekend. I checked it out, and I am horrified.
Basically, the thread mentioned that in the past, some Modern Orthodox people were uncomfortable at the Shabbaton. Something about challah covers and kiddush cups, along with separate seating, and Yiddish speeches. There was mixed seating available, but only a little bit, and it was stuck in a corner. One poster said he felt like a step-child who was hidden away, or something like that, I don't remember exactly.
Anyway, the first few posts gave exactly what was asked for, constructive criticism and suggestions. It was done in a nice manner. Then, one poster, who I'm going to assume is either Ultra Orthodox or Chassidic, comes out and writes, "Are you for real?" It was in regard to a suggestion for having one event during the weekend be completely mixed, men and women. Other modern Orthodox posters wrote that they'd be fine having some events be completely separate, and having none be completely mixed. Yet, for some reason, all the Ultra Orthodox and Chassidim decided to gang up on the Modern Orthodox posters and insult them. They insulted their needs and beliefs, which they were asked to post!
I'm happy we're pregnant now, and therefore ineligible to go on the Shabbaton. I wouldn't want to go with people like that.

Graduation Day!

I meant to post this yesterday, but just didn't have the time.
Yesterday we "graduated" from our RE! We went in, and everything was fine. We heard both heartbeats, the size of the babies was fine, everything looked great. Our RE said he was discharging us from his care.
My wife is also getting all the nausea now. On our way to the doctor, while we were on the highway, she needed to throw up! Luckily, we were in the right lane, so I lowered the window, and she leaned out.

My brothers

As I've mentioned before, I have an older brother who has 2 kids. A few weeks ago, he called to tell me there's another one on the way - due around Shavuos time.
Tonight, my younger brother (remember I mentioned him? He got married in August) called to tell me his wife is expecting also, due at the end of June. I know we're expecting now also, but it still bothers me. We were married for over 3 years when he got married, and he gets to have a kid before us? Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled for them, and wouldn't want anyone to go through infertility. But couldn't they have waited a few more months before getting pregnant?

Twins!

My wife went in for her first ultrasound since we got the positive, and guess what? Both embryos took! She's pregnant with twins! Isn't that cool?

Taste

Since getting pregnant, my wife has made 2 potato kugels. Both came out very salty. She also is complaining that some foods she usually likes don't taste right. I guess pregnancy can affect your taste buds.

A week later

My wife went in for blood work yesterday. Everything looks fine - her beta level is up over 2,000, which is great!

Over Shabbos

Over Shabbos, my wife got some bad pain in her abdomen. It was pretty bad - she wasn't really able to stand straight, she had to hold on to something. After Shabbos, we called the doctor, or the service, as it was. When the doctor called back, the response was that it might be a side effect of the progesterone injections, it might be her ovaries recovering, or it might just be random pain. Hopefully everything is fine. Judging from our past experience, it's probably her ovaries.

Results!

It's a positive!!! We're pregnant!!!

Transfer

Transfer was today. My wife got a ride in to the doctor, and back home afterwards, so I didn't have to miss work. I would've liked to have been there, but I can't take another day off.
It seems only 3 embryos continued dividing. 1 was fantastic quality, 1 was good, and 1 was just average. They said the average one wouldn't survive freezing, so it's going to be discarded, probably. As for the other 5 that were left, they said they're going to continue to monitor them, and see if they develop, but we shouldn't get our hopes up.

Day 3 update

We got a call today, and it seems some of the embryos arrested. They said it's normal for late ones to do that. We're down to five, and 3 of them are excellent quality.
My wife was having very bad pains in her abdomen, so she asked the doctor who called about it. She said my wife might be hyper-stimulated, and we should come in to have it checked before transfer. So, we drove in the snow to the center. She's not really hyper-stimulated, but there is some fluid by her ovaries, and that's what's causing the pain. They said it should slowly get better, and will take a week or two total.

Bad news, good news, and better news!

So, on Friday, they called. They said out of 22 eggs, only 10 were mature. From the 10, 2 were dead - nothing would happen with them. From the other 8, only 3 fertilized, with 2 more they were watching. The remaining 3 didn't go. We resigned ourselves to having only 3 embryos, which was less than we'd hoped.
About 10 minutes before Shabbos, the embryologist called. She told me that the 2 eggs fertilized, along with 2 more! We now had 7! We went into Shabbos much happier. She had also said she'd leave a message over Shabbos as to whether transfer would be on Sunday or Tuesday.
After Shabbos, I check the machine, and, sure enough, there was a message. It seems some more eggs took! We're not sure if they were immature ones that matured (she had said this was a possibility), but now we have 10!

Retrieval

Retrieval went well. They got 22 eggs. We don't know how many are mature yet. They're supposed to call tomorrow and let us know how many are mature, and how many fertilized. The waiting game starts!

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the Big Day. I'm so nervous. Our first IVF try resulted in a bunch of eggs, none of which fertilized. What if that happens again? I know it's unlikely, but I just have these scenarios running around in my head. I just want this whole thing to be over already. Can I fast forward life for a week or so? Please?

Retrieval coming up

Retrieval is officially on Thursday. We have to do the HCG shot tonight, and Thursday is the big day. Transfer will either be on Sunday or Tuesday.

Almost there!

We went in for monitoring this morning, and the doctor said that retrieval would be either Wednesday or Thursday. It depends on tomorrow's monitoring.Yes, my wife has to go in again tomorrow. There were a bunch of follicles, I think he said about 8 on each side. Not all of them were really big yet, but some of them were.

Stims

It's been a few days, sorry, I've been busy. We started Gonal-F last week, on Friday night. I also started taking Doxycyclin on Saturday night. Our previous doctor didn't put me on Doxycyclin, but this guy does. Just another difference.

Finished birth control

Tonight was the last night of my wife taking birth control. Now she just continues Lupron until she gets a period, or November 30th, whichever comes first. Things are really moving along! It's exciting, but nerve-wracking at the same time, you know?

Blood Tests

Ok, here were the issues with the blood tests. One of the things from her thyroid wasn't normal - there was some anti-body there which shouldn't be. I don't remember what the other thing was, but when I do I'll post it.
In the meantime, we started the Lupron a few days ago, and so far, it's going fine.

Things moving along

It's been a while since my last update, I've been kind of busy.
We started our cycle. My wife is currently on birth control, and will be for another week and a half or so. She's starting Lupron soon too.
That's really about it. Pretty boring post, right?
Oh, wait... we got back more blood test results. It seems there were 2 things which weren't normal in her results, and she's going to see a specialist about it. I don't remember exactly what it was that was off, when I get to it I'll try to post it.

A decision

We think we have a decision. After consulting with some people, we finally figured things out... we think.
The doctor we used until now is a really good guy. He's a good doctor, and he really cares about his patients. He was always accessible for questions.
The other doctor is also a nice person (from the one time I met him.) We are told that he also really cares about his patients, and doesn't just treat you as a slab of meat or a statistic. He is also a world-renowned specialist in the infertility field.
At first, it seems pretty simple, right? The issues are that our current doctor is pretty close by, while the other doctor isn't. I wouldn't be able to go to most appointments. Also, he's a lot more expensive.
Anyway, we decided to go with the more experienced, world-class doctor. I guess if you're spending over $10,000 you should go with the best.

Sharing segulos

I usually don't mind if someone recommends a segulah for us to try. People mean well, and they want to help us. However, sometimes it's just too much. A family member called my wife today with a new segulah. The problem was, we had already told this family member that we weren't interested in hearing different segulos anymore. But she called anyway. "My mother-in-law had this new thing, a big Rabbi said it will help, etc. I didn't really want to call, but my mother-in-law insisted, and, well, I know you don't like it, but she would have felt bad if you didn't hear about it, and I don't want to upset you, but after all, it's my mother-in-law, and she asked me to do her a favor..."
You get the idea. Is it too much for you to tell your mother-in-law that we don't want to hear it? Or, at least tell your mother-in-law to call herself. If she's going to make us feel uncomfortable, at least let her be uncomfortable at the same time.

Specialist's Opinion

So my wife saw the specialist on Erev Sukkos. Basically, he said that he thinks she could be a candidate for this surgery to connect the two sides of her uterus. Of course, he also said how his fertility center is so much better, and we should switch to him, etc.
We are actually thinking about it. His center is a world-renowned one, and it just might pay. We'll see.

Got through it

Well, we made it through the first days of Sukkos with my family. Our sister-in-law is not pregnant (at least, she was drinking wine and took Advil a few times). Our niece and nephew keep getting bigger, and are very cute! Sometimes, it's a bit tough when we have nieces and nephews around, but thankfully, this time it wasn't.

Family on Sukkos

We're going to my parents for Sukkos, and all of my siblings are going to be there. My older brother has 2 kids, who happen to be really cute. Now, I know some people dealing with infertility have a hard time dealing with nieces and nephews. I'm not one of them. However, I have a younger brother who's only been married for a short time. I'm just waiting for them to announce on Sukkos that she's pregnant. That would bother me - to have my younger brother have a kid before me. I had hoped we'd be done with our treatments before his wedding, but unfortunately, it didn't happen like that. Oh well.
It's kinda weird... on the one hand, I would never wish infertility on anyone. However, I'd really like to have a kid before them.

Test Results

Well, we got the results from the D&C yesterday. Turns out our baby was a boy. The tests showed that everything was normal. Now, there are a few possibilities. It could be a thyroid problem, it could be a blood clotting problem, or it could have been a fluke.
There is also the possibility that it is the abnormally shaped uterus. However, the top doctor in that field had checked her out right after the miscarriage, and said he didn't think that was the problem.
In a few weeks, we're having some more testing done to check if the thyroid or blood clotting are a problem.

Fitting work with infertility

I had a meeting with my boss today. Due to treatments and procedures when I had to be at the doctor with my wife, I used more than my alloted vacation days at work. My manager spoke to HR about it, and they came up with a plan for me so that I don't get in trouble. Basically, I have to stay late pretty much every day through the end of the year.
It sucks, but I do what I have to.
For any who are wondering, my wife and I are taking a break from treatments now, so there won't be any updates as to actual procedures or such for a while. Of course, G-d can always get us pregnant naturally in the meantime...

Rosh Hashanah

Well, Rosh Hashanah has gone by. When I was younger, I had a hard time sitting through the entire davening. The first year I davened in a yeshiva, I was nervous I'd go crazy from the long davening. However, it turned out that a yeshiva davening is like no other. I davened so much better there than ever before. The past few years, I haven't davened in a yeshiva. This year, I did again. It was a different yeshiva, a smaller one, and it wasn't as I remembered it. However, going through infertility has an effect on your davening. I asked G-d to help us this year, and to finally give us a child. Hopefully G-d will answer us as we want him to, together with everyone else.
G'mar Chasimah Tovah to everyone!

Next Step

After our most recent cycle ended in a miscarriage, my wife and I decided we needed to take a long break. Emotionally, we just felt we needed some time without worrying about meds, injections, monitoring, etc.
There was also the issue of my job. Due to doctor appointments and procedures, I pretty much used up all my off days for the year, and can't miss any more, other than Yomim Tovim. That also puts a halt to any treatments for a while.
My wife now thinks she may want to start another cycle soon. She said she may be able to get a friend to take her to and from the doctor's office for procedures, so I wouldn't have to miss work for it. I'm considering it. I would definitely wait until after Sukkos to start, if we decided to start again at all.

Helping Hands

Before I forget to mention, there are organizations out there who have been wonderful in helping us.
First and foremost is Bonei Olam. The amount of help they've given us is unbelievable. Whether it be financial help, medical advice, or just someone to talk to, they've always been there.
http://boneiolam.org/
You can go to their website to make a donation. I'm not usually the type to ask for donations, but it's really the only way I can attempt to repay them for all their help.

Next, there is A TIME. The support they have given my wife through their message boards is tremendous. While their events tend to lean more towards the Chassidish element, there are all types on the message boards.

The help that these organizations give to all people suffering through infertility is immeasurable. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Real Friends

Sometimes, events happen that show you who your real friends are.
When my wife had her miscarriage recently, there were a few friends who we told about it. Not many, just a few who we thought were really close friends, who know we are going through infertility.
Everyone we told had the same initial reaction: "Oh, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?"
One of my friends stayed on the phone with me for close to an hour, at around midnight, because I was a wreck.
Another couple drove over an hour to spend some time with us, because we told them we needed some time with friends who could sympathize with us. Not only did they come, it was on a weeknight, and pretty late.
However, there were others. Some friends had the initial reaction, and that was it. They offered their help right away, but afterwards, that was it. When we spoke or wrote e-mails, it wasn't mentioned.
No "How are you? Feeling better?"
No "Do you need anything? Supper?"
Nothing. Not a word about it.

Sometimes it takes a sad event to show you who really cares, and who is your friend when it's convenient for them.

Initial Post

I decided to write about my wife's and my own journey through infertility. At this point, we've been trying for a few years to have a child, and have not yet been successful.
We've been to many doctors, and we have our diagnosis: my wife has PCOS and an abnormally shaped uterus, and I have low sperm count.
We've been through many different medications: Clomid, metformin, Gonal-F, and many others. Some have worked, some haven't, and some we don't really know for sure.
We've had treatments: Clomid for ovulation with nothing else, IUI with Clomid, IUI with injections, and IVF.
Most recently, we finally got a positive result. However, my wife miscarried after a few weeks.
Now we're waiting on some test results to see what happens.