Thursday, February 7, 2008
A TIME Shabbaton Update
After my last post about A TIME, I got some negative feedback, both here as comments, and through other channels. I took off my comment regarding the organization, because, as one person pointed out to me, posters on their forum don't represent the organization. This morning I found out that due to the argument that occurred, A TIME got rid of all mixed seating at the Shabbaton. I know of 3 couples who immediately canceled their reservations. I guess the posters do represent the organization, as they all seem to have no respect for people who live a different lifestyle from them.
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2 comments:
the shabboton was great, and we sat separate for the first time in 3 years. we were nervous at first, but ended up having a great time. for me it was really getting to know the other women that I never really had a chance to get to know. I ran from table to table (ok not really every table or running but I really enjoyed myself more than I did b4) My DH told me he got to know the guys and didn't mind sitting separate, though there was a table set up just in case couples REALLY wanted to sit mixed. 4 chose to, though the next day, only 2 sat. the other wives told me they told their DH's that they really wanted to sit with the women so they separated. It really wasn't bad and it turned out ok. pretty much most of us from last years mixed had an ok to great experience and different. We would do it again if we needed to go next year.
just wanted to let you know, cuz I know you were thinking about us.
good luck with your pg.
all the best.
Peninim AL Hatorah Parshas Tzav
The Kohen shall put on his fitted linen tunic, and he shall put on linen breeches on his flesh…he shall separate the ash. (6:3)
The daily avodah, service, in the Bais HaMikdash began with terumas ha'deshen, the separation of the ashes, of the previous day. The Kohen would don his priestly vestments, scoop up a shovelful of the ashes that had been left over from the previous day and place them on the floor of the courtyard, on the eastern side of the Mizbayach, Altar. The Mishnah in Yoma 22 maintains that while the privilege of performing most of the priestly services in the Bais HaMikdash was decided by a goral, lottery, the terumas ha'deshen was not. It was basically done on a first come, first served basis. In the event that there were a number of Kohanim "competing" for the privilege, they would use an interesting method. All of those who vied for the opportunity to serve would race up the thirty-two amah ramp (Kevesh) of the Altar. Whoever reached the four amos on the top of the ramp first won the privilege to serve.
This was all fine until one incident in which two Kohanim raced up the ramp. As both lurched forward to the top, one deliberately pushed the other, who proceeded to fall off the ramp, breaking his leg. When the Bais Din realized that the system was inherently dangerous for the Kohanim, they decreed that the goral process of selection would now be applicable to the terumas ha'deshen.
In a shmuess anthologized by Rabbi Sholom Smith in his new collection of shmuessen entitled, Horav Avraham Pam, zl, he addresses this problem. I am always amazed how a Rosh Yeshivah of Rav Pam's stature can focus on the areas of human endeavor that are often ignored. That sensitivity, however, distinguishes between the individual who is a mentch and the individual who is not. The tragic incident that occurred between the two Kohanim underscores a serious problem. A person is obsessed with a serious desire to perform a mitzvah. The problem is that in his overwhelming desire to do good, he does not care on whom or on what he steps. The Kohen wanted to grab the mitzvah of terumas ha'deshen - at any expense - even if it meant breaking the other Kohen's leg. His motivation was pure mitzvah, since no money was to be gained and no honor was to be derived from his action. It surely was not the most glorious of mitzvos. Yet, in his haste to do a mitzvah, he caused pain for another Jew.
Now, we have to ask ourselves: Is this what Hashem wants of us? Did Hashem give us mitzvos to refine our character or to soothe our egos while we step on others? When we do not carefully weigh our attitude toward a mitzvah, we can inadvertently perform an aveirah, sin. If our actions cause someone else harm, then our actions manifest a negative connotation.
The Rosh Yeshivah would often relate an incident that occurred concerning the Chafetz Chaim which illustrates this idea. The Chafetz Chaim was an individual who went out of his way to perform kindness for anyone. His love of chesed, loving-kindness, was boundless - except when it was at the expense of others. The popular expression, "give a shirt off someone else's back," did not apply to him. Yes, he helped others, but only at his own expense.
Once the distinguished Lubliner Rav, Horav Meir Shapiro, zl, had occasion to spend Shabbos in Radin. He sent a message to the Chafetz Chaim asking if he could eat the Friday night seudah, meal, at his home. The Chafetz Chaim replied that he would be honored to have the distinguished rav and rosh yeshivah share a meal with him. The messenger returned to the Chafetz Chaim with another request: Would it be too much to ask that at the seudah, Shabbos meal, the women would eat either at a separate table or perhaps in another room (a practice not uncommon in some chassidic homes when there are guests present who are not family members). Could the Chafetz Chaim accommodate him? The Chafetz Chaim replied that, regrettably, he could not comply with his request, and, as such, he would be compelled to withdraw the invitation. He said, "I gave my wife a Kesubah, marriage contract, in which I agreed to fulfill the Shulchan Aruch's obligations of every husband: to eat his Friday night meal with his wife (Even HaEzer 70:2). How can I ask her to relinquish her right to have this?"
An incredible story! While I know that a story such as this will touch upon people's sensitivities - both pro and con, left and right - it teaches a number of lessons. First, the Lubliner Rav had a strong chassidic upbringing. Therefore, despite the opportunity for him to share a meal with the saintly gadol ha'dor, the Chafetz Chaim, he had demurred, refusing to change his tradition. Likewise, the Chafetz Chaim felt that, despite the great mitzvah of hachnosas orchim, welcoming guests, and the opportunity to accord kavod ha'Torah, pay respect to one of Klal Yisrael's pre-eminent Torah luminaries, he could not deprive his wife her due. In fact, he even refused to ask her permission to do so, knowing fully well that she would probably have agreed wholeheartedly to do so. Chesed is wonderful, but not at the expense of one's wife - or anyone else.
We cannot emphasize enough the importance of weighing one's actions to determine if they conform to mitzvah criteria or not. In fact, Rav Pam posits that there is halachic basis for this. The Rema in Orach Chaim 581:1 rules that a baal tefillah, chazzan, who leads the services for Selichos or the Yamim Noraim, High Holy Days, should ideally be a talmid chacham, Torah scholar of high moral standing, who is married and at least thirty years old. The baal tefillah has a formidable task to inspire the congregation and to entreat Hashem for mercy and forgiveness on their behalf. Therefore, he should meet these requirements. Nonetheless, the Mishnah Berurah writes that if selecting this person (who has all the necessary requirements) will cause a machlokes, controversy, in the shul, whereby there will be those who will not be "enthusiastic" about him, then the talmid chacham should decline from davening - even if it means that the other choice is someone of lesser spiritual stature. It is no mitzvah to have a proper chazzan at the expense of some people's feelings.
Stories are told of great talmidei chachamim who would curtail the divrei Torah delivered at their Shabbos meal in order to allow the poor guests that they had invited to eat as quickly as possible. These people had not eaten all day and were hungry. To stretch out the meal with Torah comments might enhance its spirituality, but would not be fair to the hungry man who was waiting all day to eat. Life constantly presents situations in which we must decide if what we are about to do is really a mitzvah. Stopping to think before we act is always advisable. It can make the difference in defining whether our actions are really worthy of being considered a mitzvah.
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