It keeps getting better...

I forgot to mention in my other post that my wife had a bit of a cough last week. Over the weekend, it kept getting worse. Now, after stomach surgery, coughing can hurt. A lot.
So, I took her to her regular doctor today to check on her cough, and it seems she has bronchitis also.
Then, when we get home, she needs to take a bath. So I prepare the water for her, she gets in, and we see blood coming out from one of the bandages. I immediately called the doctor, who said if it's only a small amount of blood, it's not a big deal - just put some pressure, and watch to make sure it doesn't get worse.
I'm going completely crazy with this!
By the way, tomorrow is our first visit to the high-risk OB.

A Big Scare

On Friday, my wife had some stomach pains. She called her OB, who told her if she likes, she could come in for an exam. Well, being 2 hours before Shabbos, that wasn't going to happen. The doctor told her it was probably normal pain, from the uterus expanding or something like that.
Anyway, Friday night, a little after midnight, my wife wakes up in pain. Not just a little pain. Completely doubled over, crying pain. I immediately called the doctor, who said that it might be a stomach issue, because the pain was above her belly button. She said to take some Tums and if it wasn't better in an hour, go to the hospital. Well, it didn't get better. I wasn't sure about going to the hospital on Shabbos, and we delayed a bit. Finally, seeing that it was getting worse, I called 911, and an ambulance came to take us to the hospital.
To make a long story short, my wife had her appendix taken out. Both babies are doing fine. My wife is laid up in bed now, and will be for a few days. Thank God it was just an appendix! Not that it's nothing, but it wasn't a miscarriage. We were so sure something went wrong with the pregnancy!

Doctor Visit

Ok, enough politics for now.
We went to my wife's regular OB tonight. We were supposed to see a high risk OB, but we could only get an appointment for next week. We were nervous not seeing anyone until then, so we got in to see her regular OB. Her Ob also deals with high-risk cases, but supposedly isn't nearly as good as the specialist we're supposed to see.
Anyway, she did an ultrasound, and everything looked great! She told my wife she could give her something for all the nausea, but only as a last resort. It's better not to take anything during a pregnancy.

Infertility Group

A friend of mine asked me to post that she started a Google Group for people going through infertility. She also had issues with A TIME, and wanted to start something for everyone, where all types are welcome. If you want to join, e-mail modernorthodoxIF@gmail.com to join.

A T.I.M.E.

A TIME's annual Shabbaton is coming up. It is an event they hold for people who are going through primary infertility. As I've written before, A TIME is a bit too chassidic for my taste. I sometimes check out their forums, but not too often. Anyway, a friend of mine called me the other day and told me I had to check out a thread about the upcoming weekend. I checked it out, and I am horrified.
Basically, the thread mentioned that in the past, some Modern Orthodox people were uncomfortable at the Shabbaton. Something about challah covers and kiddush cups, along with separate seating, and Yiddish speeches. There was mixed seating available, but only a little bit, and it was stuck in a corner. One poster said he felt like a step-child who was hidden away, or something like that, I don't remember exactly.
Anyway, the first few posts gave exactly what was asked for, constructive criticism and suggestions. It was done in a nice manner. Then, one poster, who I'm going to assume is either Ultra Orthodox or Chassidic, comes out and writes, "Are you for real?" It was in regard to a suggestion for having one event during the weekend be completely mixed, men and women. Other modern Orthodox posters wrote that they'd be fine having some events be completely separate, and having none be completely mixed. Yet, for some reason, all the Ultra Orthodox and Chassidim decided to gang up on the Modern Orthodox posters and insult them. They insulted their needs and beliefs, which they were asked to post!
I'm happy we're pregnant now, and therefore ineligible to go on the Shabbaton. I wouldn't want to go with people like that.

Graduation Day!

I meant to post this yesterday, but just didn't have the time.
Yesterday we "graduated" from our RE! We went in, and everything was fine. We heard both heartbeats, the size of the babies was fine, everything looked great. Our RE said he was discharging us from his care.
My wife is also getting all the nausea now. On our way to the doctor, while we were on the highway, she needed to throw up! Luckily, we were in the right lane, so I lowered the window, and she leaned out.

My brothers

As I've mentioned before, I have an older brother who has 2 kids. A few weeks ago, he called to tell me there's another one on the way - due around Shavuos time.
Tonight, my younger brother (remember I mentioned him? He got married in August) called to tell me his wife is expecting also, due at the end of June. I know we're expecting now also, but it still bothers me. We were married for over 3 years when he got married, and he gets to have a kid before us? Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled for them, and wouldn't want anyone to go through infertility. But couldn't they have waited a few more months before getting pregnant?

Twins!

My wife went in for her first ultrasound since we got the positive, and guess what? Both embryos took! She's pregnant with twins! Isn't that cool?

Taste

Since getting pregnant, my wife has made 2 potato kugels. Both came out very salty. She also is complaining that some foods she usually likes don't taste right. I guess pregnancy can affect your taste buds.

A week later

My wife went in for blood work yesterday. Everything looks fine - her beta level is up over 2,000, which is great!

Over Shabbos

Over Shabbos, my wife got some bad pain in her abdomen. It was pretty bad - she wasn't really able to stand straight, she had to hold on to something. After Shabbos, we called the doctor, or the service, as it was. When the doctor called back, the response was that it might be a side effect of the progesterone injections, it might be her ovaries recovering, or it might just be random pain. Hopefully everything is fine. Judging from our past experience, it's probably her ovaries.

Results!

It's a positive!!! We're pregnant!!!

Transfer

Transfer was today. My wife got a ride in to the doctor, and back home afterwards, so I didn't have to miss work. I would've liked to have been there, but I can't take another day off.
It seems only 3 embryos continued dividing. 1 was fantastic quality, 1 was good, and 1 was just average. They said the average one wouldn't survive freezing, so it's going to be discarded, probably. As for the other 5 that were left, they said they're going to continue to monitor them, and see if they develop, but we shouldn't get our hopes up.

Day 3 update

We got a call today, and it seems some of the embryos arrested. They said it's normal for late ones to do that. We're down to five, and 3 of them are excellent quality.
My wife was having very bad pains in her abdomen, so she asked the doctor who called about it. She said my wife might be hyper-stimulated, and we should come in to have it checked before transfer. So, we drove in the snow to the center. She's not really hyper-stimulated, but there is some fluid by her ovaries, and that's what's causing the pain. They said it should slowly get better, and will take a week or two total.

Bad news, good news, and better news!

So, on Friday, they called. They said out of 22 eggs, only 10 were mature. From the 10, 2 were dead - nothing would happen with them. From the other 8, only 3 fertilized, with 2 more they were watching. The remaining 3 didn't go. We resigned ourselves to having only 3 embryos, which was less than we'd hoped.
About 10 minutes before Shabbos, the embryologist called. She told me that the 2 eggs fertilized, along with 2 more! We now had 7! We went into Shabbos much happier. She had also said she'd leave a message over Shabbos as to whether transfer would be on Sunday or Tuesday.
After Shabbos, I check the machine, and, sure enough, there was a message. It seems some more eggs took! We're not sure if they were immature ones that matured (she had said this was a possibility), but now we have 10!

Retrieval

Retrieval went well. They got 22 eggs. We don't know how many are mature yet. They're supposed to call tomorrow and let us know how many are mature, and how many fertilized. The waiting game starts!

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the Big Day. I'm so nervous. Our first IVF try resulted in a bunch of eggs, none of which fertilized. What if that happens again? I know it's unlikely, but I just have these scenarios running around in my head. I just want this whole thing to be over already. Can I fast forward life for a week or so? Please?

Retrieval coming up

Retrieval is officially on Thursday. We have to do the HCG shot tonight, and Thursday is the big day. Transfer will either be on Sunday or Tuesday.

Almost there!

We went in for monitoring this morning, and the doctor said that retrieval would be either Wednesday or Thursday. It depends on tomorrow's monitoring.Yes, my wife has to go in again tomorrow. There were a bunch of follicles, I think he said about 8 on each side. Not all of them were really big yet, but some of them were.

Stims

It's been a few days, sorry, I've been busy. We started Gonal-F last week, on Friday night. I also started taking Doxycyclin on Saturday night. Our previous doctor didn't put me on Doxycyclin, but this guy does. Just another difference.

Finished birth control

Tonight was the last night of my wife taking birth control. Now she just continues Lupron until she gets a period, or November 30th, whichever comes first. Things are really moving along! It's exciting, but nerve-wracking at the same time, you know?

Blood Tests

Ok, here were the issues with the blood tests. One of the things from her thyroid wasn't normal - there was some anti-body there which shouldn't be. I don't remember what the other thing was, but when I do I'll post it.
In the meantime, we started the Lupron a few days ago, and so far, it's going fine.

Things moving along

It's been a while since my last update, I've been kind of busy.
We started our cycle. My wife is currently on birth control, and will be for another week and a half or so. She's starting Lupron soon too.
That's really about it. Pretty boring post, right?
Oh, wait... we got back more blood test results. It seems there were 2 things which weren't normal in her results, and she's going to see a specialist about it. I don't remember exactly what it was that was off, when I get to it I'll try to post it.

A decision

We think we have a decision. After consulting with some people, we finally figured things out... we think.
The doctor we used until now is a really good guy. He's a good doctor, and he really cares about his patients. He was always accessible for questions.
The other doctor is also a nice person (from the one time I met him.) We are told that he also really cares about his patients, and doesn't just treat you as a slab of meat or a statistic. He is also a world-renowned specialist in the infertility field.
At first, it seems pretty simple, right? The issues are that our current doctor is pretty close by, while the other doctor isn't. I wouldn't be able to go to most appointments. Also, he's a lot more expensive.
Anyway, we decided to go with the more experienced, world-class doctor. I guess if you're spending over $10,000 you should go with the best.

Sharing segulos

I usually don't mind if someone recommends a segulah for us to try. People mean well, and they want to help us. However, sometimes it's just too much. A family member called my wife today with a new segulah. The problem was, we had already told this family member that we weren't interested in hearing different segulos anymore. But she called anyway. "My mother-in-law had this new thing, a big Rabbi said it will help, etc. I didn't really want to call, but my mother-in-law insisted, and, well, I know you don't like it, but she would have felt bad if you didn't hear about it, and I don't want to upset you, but after all, it's my mother-in-law, and she asked me to do her a favor..."
You get the idea. Is it too much for you to tell your mother-in-law that we don't want to hear it? Or, at least tell your mother-in-law to call herself. If she's going to make us feel uncomfortable, at least let her be uncomfortable at the same time.

Specialist's Opinion

So my wife saw the specialist on Erev Sukkos. Basically, he said that he thinks she could be a candidate for this surgery to connect the two sides of her uterus. Of course, he also said how his fertility center is so much better, and we should switch to him, etc.
We are actually thinking about it. His center is a world-renowned one, and it just might pay. We'll see.

Got through it

Well, we made it through the first days of Sukkos with my family. Our sister-in-law is not pregnant (at least, she was drinking wine and took Advil a few times). Our niece and nephew keep getting bigger, and are very cute! Sometimes, it's a bit tough when we have nieces and nephews around, but thankfully, this time it wasn't.

Family on Sukkos

We're going to my parents for Sukkos, and all of my siblings are going to be there. My older brother has 2 kids, who happen to be really cute. Now, I know some people dealing with infertility have a hard time dealing with nieces and nephews. I'm not one of them. However, I have a younger brother who's only been married for a short time. I'm just waiting for them to announce on Sukkos that she's pregnant. That would bother me - to have my younger brother have a kid before me. I had hoped we'd be done with our treatments before his wedding, but unfortunately, it didn't happen like that. Oh well.
It's kinda weird... on the one hand, I would never wish infertility on anyone. However, I'd really like to have a kid before them.

Test Results

Well, we got the results from the D&C yesterday. Turns out our baby was a boy. The tests showed that everything was normal. Now, there are a few possibilities. It could be a thyroid problem, it could be a blood clotting problem, or it could have been a fluke.
There is also the possibility that it is the abnormally shaped uterus. However, the top doctor in that field had checked her out right after the miscarriage, and said he didn't think that was the problem.
In a few weeks, we're having some more testing done to check if the thyroid or blood clotting are a problem.

Fitting work with infertility

I had a meeting with my boss today. Due to treatments and procedures when I had to be at the doctor with my wife, I used more than my alloted vacation days at work. My manager spoke to HR about it, and they came up with a plan for me so that I don't get in trouble. Basically, I have to stay late pretty much every day through the end of the year.
It sucks, but I do what I have to.
For any who are wondering, my wife and I are taking a break from treatments now, so there won't be any updates as to actual procedures or such for a while. Of course, G-d can always get us pregnant naturally in the meantime...

Rosh Hashanah

Well, Rosh Hashanah has gone by. When I was younger, I had a hard time sitting through the entire davening. The first year I davened in a yeshiva, I was nervous I'd go crazy from the long davening. However, it turned out that a yeshiva davening is like no other. I davened so much better there than ever before. The past few years, I haven't davened in a yeshiva. This year, I did again. It was a different yeshiva, a smaller one, and it wasn't as I remembered it. However, going through infertility has an effect on your davening. I asked G-d to help us this year, and to finally give us a child. Hopefully G-d will answer us as we want him to, together with everyone else.
G'mar Chasimah Tovah to everyone!

Next Step

After our most recent cycle ended in a miscarriage, my wife and I decided we needed to take a long break. Emotionally, we just felt we needed some time without worrying about meds, injections, monitoring, etc.
There was also the issue of my job. Due to doctor appointments and procedures, I pretty much used up all my off days for the year, and can't miss any more, other than Yomim Tovim. That also puts a halt to any treatments for a while.
My wife now thinks she may want to start another cycle soon. She said she may be able to get a friend to take her to and from the doctor's office for procedures, so I wouldn't have to miss work for it. I'm considering it. I would definitely wait until after Sukkos to start, if we decided to start again at all.

Helping Hands

Before I forget to mention, there are organizations out there who have been wonderful in helping us.
First and foremost is Bonei Olam. The amount of help they've given us is unbelievable. Whether it be financial help, medical advice, or just someone to talk to, they've always been there.
http://boneiolam.org/
You can go to their website to make a donation. I'm not usually the type to ask for donations, but it's really the only way I can attempt to repay them for all their help.

Next, there is A TIME. The support they have given my wife through their message boards is tremendous. While their events tend to lean more towards the Chassidish element, there are all types on the message boards.

The help that these organizations give to all people suffering through infertility is immeasurable. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Real Friends

Sometimes, events happen that show you who your real friends are.
When my wife had her miscarriage recently, there were a few friends who we told about it. Not many, just a few who we thought were really close friends, who know we are going through infertility.
Everyone we told had the same initial reaction: "Oh, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?"
One of my friends stayed on the phone with me for close to an hour, at around midnight, because I was a wreck.
Another couple drove over an hour to spend some time with us, because we told them we needed some time with friends who could sympathize with us. Not only did they come, it was on a weeknight, and pretty late.
However, there were others. Some friends had the initial reaction, and that was it. They offered their help right away, but afterwards, that was it. When we spoke or wrote e-mails, it wasn't mentioned.
No "How are you? Feeling better?"
No "Do you need anything? Supper?"
Nothing. Not a word about it.

Sometimes it takes a sad event to show you who really cares, and who is your friend when it's convenient for them.

Initial Post

I decided to write about my wife's and my own journey through infertility. At this point, we've been trying for a few years to have a child, and have not yet been successful.
We've been to many doctors, and we have our diagnosis: my wife has PCOS and an abnormally shaped uterus, and I have low sperm count.
We've been through many different medications: Clomid, metformin, Gonal-F, and many others. Some have worked, some haven't, and some we don't really know for sure.
We've had treatments: Clomid for ovulation with nothing else, IUI with Clomid, IUI with injections, and IVF.
Most recently, we finally got a positive result. However, my wife miscarried after a few weeks.
Now we're waiting on some test results to see what happens.